lessons from 5 years ago

The year was 2003. I was 20 years old. My parents were in the process of getting a divorce, my relationship was on the rocks, and I was a month away from dropping out of college. My then-fiance (we are no longer together) was going through some pretty tough times herself and I made a decision: either I could stay in school where I wasn't happy, or go back home and try and patch up my life, notably the relationship that I had sabotaged through letting the stress get to me. I chose to give up college and move back home. Although most people might think that it was an understandable move, our relationship ended less than a year later.

Something else that occurs to me each time I think about those days: if I had just stayed focused on school, I would have completed my degree, and a masters by now. I can't say that it's a wasted decision though- because I learned many important lessons from the decisions I made 5 years ago. In choosing to give up what I had fought for years to accomplish, I learned that:

*Your problems in life do not give you the right to treat people badly.

*Mentally blocking yourself by focusing on the negative only serves to delay action towards the positive.

*Choosing to do something out of love instead of your own best financial interests is just that - a choice. Don't ruin your selfless decision by getting depressed about it.

* Your mood affects those around you. Sometimes the only thing your loved ones want is to see you happy.

* We are all only 1 step away from disaster. Plan for it and you'll be two or three steps away.

Recently I quit my job (again, I was unhappy), and we are moving back to Portland- a city I really don't like because of it's horrible job market and bad traffic. My wife wants to move there so that she can be close to her parents while she has the baby. Initially I agreed but over the last few weeks I've been complaining loudly about how much I hate it there and how horrible of a time I was having finding decent work that would support us. She couldn't take it anymore and finally told me exactly how my mood affects those around me.

I realized that the lessons from 2003 were being ignored when they were needed most. My life was changing and I was missing everything that defined security in the modern era: shelter, money for food, money to pay the bills, saving for the future.

Now that I know what is happening, I can spot the sabatour behavior within myself.